Stories from Budapest: Colours

Colours which you choose will paint your view of tomorrow.

Imagine that you have paintbrush in your hand and you can choose the colours what you want to paint. You can mix different colours or use simple ones. Choice and outcome are yours.

My best friend sent me message while ago and told me: you have colours which nobody else can dance. Since this message I have thought colours. And I am glad to write this post about some of my colours here in Budapest. I’ve got some new awesome friends here who are big part of my everyday painting. I have realised that life is mostly people for me. For counterpoise of dancing I want share some drops of colours from my last week.

On Wednesday we went to see Spartacus ballet to Opera house. It was my first visit in Opera house and the place was so beautiful. I hadn’t seen the ballet earlier so Spartacus was also new experience for me. Although I was standing almost the whole preformance at the balcony I enjoyed the performance.

On Friday I had lovely evening with some wonderful ladies. We had yummy apple oatmeal and the best fellowship by studying the book of Ruth. Sometimes all you need is the cosy evening like this.

My Saturday was the best since I came here in August. In the morning I went to run with my friend to Margaret Island. The weather was sunny and I felt so good to run after long time no running. In the afternoon I had few intensive study hours with my two friends. We have every Saturday ”study group” which means that we go study together to some cafe. After studying I had second afternoon coffee in the very elegant place named book cafe. I was happy to share this coffee moment with three beautiful ladies. (I will tell something about this cafe when I’ll do the post about my favorite coffee places in Budapest.) End culmination of my Saturday was the dance performance "Traviata". It was very dramatic performance by The dancers of GG Dance Eger and Inversedance | Zoltán Fodor Company.

During this week little voice inside me has told me that I don’t want to leave from here after this semester…

- Jutta

Stories from Budapest: Eternal underachiever?

It was some kind of volleyball game about ten years ago which came up to my mind last week. It was solution moment of the game and I had to catch the ball. I remember the pressure and feeling that everybody were looking at me. And I failed. I was ashamed and felt that I disappointed my team. I 'm  u n d e r a c h i e v e r, I said to myself.

Last week I realized that I have always kept myself as a underachiever. I usually don’t trust that I can and if I am nervous I work too hard and can’t concentrate. ”Just do it” is not slogan for me. I always try to do everything as ”perfect” I can. I go to studio early to warm up, eat healthy, sleep eight hours every night etc. And still I feel that I fail or underachieve too often.

Last week after morning ballet class I tried some pirouettes and balances which I couldn’t do during the class. I wasn’t surprised that when there was only me in the room I magically had very good balance and pirouettes. Then I asked myself why I can’t do this during the class? Why I suppose myself to be a underachiever?

I am person who thinks and analyses a lot, maybe too lot. But nobody ever teach during the dance classes how to practice the mental mind and what’s the way to concentrate well. While I was doing my thesis last week I found some interesting thesis concerning on mental training during the dance classes. According to this thesis it is as important to concentrate on physical training as mental training. And there are many good exercises to work with psyche. For example exercises of breathing, self-speaking and mental imagine. I think it’s time to change something in my mind. Y e s,  I  c a n.

I am finally feeling myself comfortable in Budapest. More good days, smiles and laugh, relaxing and safety feeling.. Yesterday I went to Buda hills with my new friends and it was wonderful evening. Frisbee, camp fire, marshmallows, songs, fellowship, beautiful sunset. I was so happy girl when I fell asleep last night.

- Jutta

Stories from Budapest: Who do you think you are?

I’m believer 

Sometimes I believe the lies of the deceiver 

The lies of seeds when they sprout 

They lead to seasons of spiritual amnesia 

(According to God/Beautiful Eulogy)

My biggest fear is that somebody proves somehow that I am not able to be a dancer. That I don’t have good enough ability or I am wrong kind of dancer.  During the last week I realized how this fear limit myself in the dance classes. If I am constantly thinking what kind of imagine I give about myself to other people I’ll be nervous, unsure and can’t focus well. To be honest I often find myself thinking: What if I fail? What if I look stupid or clumsy?

I think that is not only my problem. If I try to view this topic as a outsider I would like to say something to the dancers.

Nobody can define who you are or what kind of dancer you can be. It’s your body, your mind, your unique personality. And it’s in your mind who do you think you are. The key is to process how to become best your self. You can learn from other people but you can never become someone else.

Maybe we can never know perfectly who we are. It’s everyday searching but will bear fruit: easier to make right decisions, more peaceful mind, even more energy to do things... And also easier to concentrate during the dance classes. In my opinion concentration is beautiful and way to learn well. Focused dancer naturally exopose himself/herself  and that’s the moment when people get little piece to sense who is he/she. But focused dancer dosen’t need to think what other people think about him or her. Just try, fail, try and succeed. The fail is sign that something has to correct and the succeed is just one step forward.

You will not always be strong
but you can always be brave.//Beau Taplin

- Jutta

Ps. During this weekend I went to yoga twice. The studio was hot and I sweated a lot :D. I like very much to do yoga, pilates or this kind of body-mind exercises. They don’t give me inner peace but they are good ways to develop for example concentration, breathing and body awarness.

Stories from Budapest: Time out

Two days ago...

While I am writing this post I am sitting in the plane on my way from Helsinki to Budapest. I had the most wonderful weekend in Helsinki and right now I am feeling myself well rested and ready to continue my things in Budapest. With new energy and attitude.

One week ago I booked flight to Helsinki because I got worried about my health. I was continously wary, unsure, depressed and ready to cry for everything. Of course I have had better moments and days also but I couldn’t enjoy my life anymore. And week ago the solution was to book flight to Finland and take my own time out.

What happend in Helsinki? Nothing special but superspecial for me. I went to my sister’s apartment and we had the best sister-quality-time together. Lot of rest and deep conversations. Cooking yummy pasta and baking delicious applepie. Visiting cathedral and walking along cosy streets of Helsinki. 

And of course having the best cinnamon latte in Robert’s coffee.

It’s funny notice that after only five weeks moving from Finland to Budapest I can appreciate Finland and finnish things so much more. Now I see that I am a very finnish girl who loves fresh air and nature, cleannes, finnish honesty and behaviour, organised education system etc…

Dear beautiful autumn Finland, I will miss you again. But now, drinking my blueberry juice (thanks for Finnair) in the plane I think I am so ready again. I don’t care am I strong or weak, depressed or happy. I do this because I love to dance and right now the Hungarian Dance Academy is my place to be.

If we are brave enough to explore the darkness, we are certain to discover the infinite power of our light. 

//brené brown

- Jutta

Stories from Budapest: Weekdays in Hungarian Dance Academy

Last week I started my official Erasmus + program in Hungarian Dance Academy. Earlier weeks I have been with other programs. I will do my exchange studies with program of modern dancers but I only take a part in practice training (because of hungarian language). During last week I have met very different kind of dancers and take a part in different dance lessons. Unfortunately communication between me and my class  mates is limited because they mostly speak hungarian. But I am happy that dance is also kind of way to communicate and see the other people.

My school week runs from Monday to Friday. I wake up at 6:40, be in studio at 7:45 and start the ballet class at 8:30. I have more or less classes during the day and usually I come back to home at 6.30 pm. In addition of ballet classes I also have jazz dance from Monday to Thursday. My first jazz class last Monday little shock because it was very hard with complicated exercises… Twice a week I have ”rehearsal coaching and choreography” where students create choreographies and teach them to other students. I also have to create my own choregraphy and I am quite exited about that. Then I have also limón technique, tap dance and hip hop once a week.

I’ve been in Budapest now for four weeks and I still try adapt to culture and school. I think next three months will go very fast and I just hope that I could soon adapt to this environment. This semester will be huge learning process for me and I am sure I will be mental and physical stronger after this semester.  

- Jutta

Stories from Budapest: Hey dancer, how are you?

New things, new culture, new friends, new school.. During this week I’ve felt that everything is too much. I’ve been under too much stress and on Friday I realized I need to rest. To do whatever I want, eat candys, buy something just for fun, talk with my family and friends, consume time by doing nothing useful (well, that’s the most useful thing to do). I am person who doesn’t stop until has to. And I think I am not only one with this problem. When I found myself crying and being depressed it’s time to take a break.

It’s a hard world. I mean dance world. Did you know that Black Swan is a normal story? To be every day in front of mirror doesn’t make good for your self-confidence. There are jealousy, eating disorders, competing, criticism, physical and mental exhaustion among the dancers. It’s everyday fight to come better and better. But it’s worth it isn’t it?

Okay that’s truth but not only way to become a professional dancer. Sometimes I feel being lost in the danceworld because I don’t want to go through above mentioned negative things. I want to be physical and mental healthy dancer. Work hard and become the best I can. I think the key is to search who I am as a dancer and how my body can move.  

Dance is way of expressing. It is beautiful way to tell who I am. I need to dance because it’s part of my identity. Dance is learning process such as life. Dance is life. At least big part of it.

Take care,

Jutta

Stories from Budapest: Brain and ballet work in progress

Sunday is my new favorite day of the week. Earlier it was Friday but I’ve started to love peaceful Sunday mood. Slow breakfast (especially huge cup of coffee), Sunday church service, no school work, time for relaxing and spontaneous things... I have realised that ”rest day” is  e s s e n t i a l  for  human. I can’t work properly and dance at full if I don’t have one rest day in the week. It’s my right and responsibility to take time to rest and relax.

Well, the rest day is obviously good for the processing new learnt things and skills. During the last week I had morning ballet classes and lectures and practical classes of ”preparatory gymnastics – aesthetic body building”. Summarizing lot of brain and ballet work. Here are some insigihts from the last week.

Spine and ballet

Some of my teachers have spoken about this also earlier but I had kind of aha moment last week about this issue. Working with healthy spine will prevent lot of injuries and helps basically everything in ballet. It’s very important to find natural curves of spine and strength the supporting muscles of spine. Easy to say but hard to do. Among the ballet dancers there are lot of problems and injuries with the back. I think that focusing on healthy spine alignment at classes would help with these problems.

Strong abdominals and hamstrings

These muscles are now on my ”muscle strengthen list”. Last week I just realized that I have too weak deep abominals (for example to stabilize my natural curves of spine) and hamstrings (for example keep on my active turn out).I also have learnt about how important is the muscle symmetry (as much strength and flexibility in the muscles).

Body awareness

This is absolutely what I want to learn more. I started ballet when I was teenager and I wanted to learn quickly everything. I had not time to feel movements or process things because I learnt ballet technique mostly by visual perception. I tried to follow suit and just do the exercises with full of energy. Well, I have improved my body awareness but it’s still my weakness. For me it’s difficult to use and active only necessary muscles (not everything together). Developing body awareness will make the dance easier and more energy saving.

Warm up

Usually I come to the studio 45 minutes before class starts. I open up myself by stretching my cold and sleepy muscles and cracking ligaments. Then I do little workout for abdominals and back muscles, some tendus and swings for my hip joints. And finally I am physical and mental ready for the class. During the last week I tried to do my warm up differently: first step by step warming up the muscles (starting from the hip joints and core) and then stretching but no cracking! I think that’s the more logical and healthier way to prepare yourself to the ballet classes.

Now it's time to set alarm clock on and enjoy the last hours of the rest day :) 

- Jutta