Stories from Budapest: Eternal underachiever?

It was some kind of volleyball game about ten years ago which came up to my mind last week. It was solution moment of the game and I had to catch the ball. I remember the pressure and feeling that everybody were looking at me. And I failed. I was ashamed and felt that I disappointed my team. I 'm  u n d e r a c h i e v e r, I said to myself.

Last week I realized that I have always kept myself as a underachiever. I usually don’t trust that I can and if I am nervous I work too hard and can’t concentrate. ”Just do it” is not slogan for me. I always try to do everything as ”perfect” I can. I go to studio early to warm up, eat healthy, sleep eight hours every night etc. And still I feel that I fail or underachieve too often.

Last week after morning ballet class I tried some pirouettes and balances which I couldn’t do during the class. I wasn’t surprised that when there was only me in the room I magically had very good balance and pirouettes. Then I asked myself why I can’t do this during the class? Why I suppose myself to be a underachiever?

I am person who thinks and analyses a lot, maybe too lot. But nobody ever teach during the dance classes how to practice the mental mind and what’s the way to concentrate well. While I was doing my thesis last week I found some interesting thesis concerning on mental training during the dance classes. According to this thesis it is as important to concentrate on physical training as mental training. And there are many good exercises to work with psyche. For example exercises of breathing, self-speaking and mental imagine. I think it’s time to change something in my mind. Y e s,  I  c a n.

I am finally feeling myself comfortable in Budapest. More good days, smiles and laugh, relaxing and safety feeling.. Yesterday I went to Buda hills with my new friends and it was wonderful evening. Frisbee, camp fire, marshmallows, songs, fellowship, beautiful sunset. I was so happy girl when I fell asleep last night.

- Jutta